idle times

It seems that the job I applied for is not meant for me. Sigh. It’s disheartening. Still, it was something I had to try to see if I can actually land a job even if I’m pregnant. Anyhow, I’m still looking for work online and will not stop until I find the job suitable for me.

I am trying not to lose hope. Depression is no good for me. Still, when one is idle, there is not much to do but think and write. I already compiled my stories and brace yourself, I will publish a book. Ambitious, right? Not much to do anyway so what better way to pass my time than to write and publish a book?

Changing the topic to baby stuff. The baby is kicking and moving about much stronger nowadays. It’s actually uncomfortable and makes me go to the loo more than I would like. All that kicking in my bladder is sometimes too much. However, it is a very good sign that the baby is alive and kicking. Moving inside is truly a joy to the baby because he/she just can’t stop doing it. I already decided on the name if my baby will be a girl. She will be Heaven Anthony. If a boy, I’m still not yet sure.

I am now watching Smallville season 8 and it was nice to know that there wil be season 9 and 10. I just realized that the Lois and Clark romance is way better than the Lana and Clark duo. I do hope they follow the comics ending where Clark ends up marrying Lois.

This is one of those times that I feel my life is so uneventful. I think it’s time I do something about it…just wait and see…just wait and see.

Pregnancy tips not from my doctor part 3

It’s that time again wherein new words of wisdom are given to me to guide me in my journey to motherhood. Advices below are from relatives and friends who have only my best interest at heart. Still, I am perplexed over them.

  • Wear black dresses, black clothesand black underwear. This will hide the baby from witches and other monsters that lurk, hover on the roof of the house and scratch at windows, trying to get to the baby.
  • Place a pillow in front of your belly to protect the baby from radiation emitted by the computer when you go online.
  • Cut your hair shorter so the nutrients you eat will go to the baby and not to your hair.
  • Don’t allow yourself to go hungry or else the baby will be a clingy and greedy child in the future.
  • Don’t eat durians when you’re pregnant.

I actually follow some of the tips above except for the cutting of hair and eating durians. I want my hair long and I like eating durians (which will be in season soon!).

I recently discovered a new fear. Fear of rats. Ugh. Last night, while I was sleeping, something tried to bite my toe. I felt the teet on my toenail and I woke up screaming. It was a black rat and it was scary. I never want to experience that again. I asked my dad to buy mouse traps ASAP.

I also finally found one of my fave anime songs. It’s from the anime Beck.

fullmoonsways
[audio:http://risforrogue.i.ph/music/calliope.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=124%5D

 This is definitely my song tonight…

Moviewatch

I finally got to watch Transformers 2. Quite disappointing, I must say. Too many fight scenes and a lot of awful screaming by the cast. The total exploitation of Megan Fox was horrendous. Seriously, it was over the top. My only goal is to see Optimus Prime. He was the only highligh in the movie.

I also watched The Proposal. It was my kind of romantic comedy. Ryan Reynolds was a dreamboat. It was enough to make me wish for love to find me again. Nice, nice, nice!

For good family comedy fun, do watch 17 Again. The only reason I watched was because of Matthew Perry (got a crush on him for years). However, the movie had pulled it off with well-situated humor and comedy. I liked it very much.

I’m looking forward to Sherlock Holmes. Robert Downey, Jr. proves to be one funny actor and there’s Jude Law to make me intrigued and wonder if there will be scenes to see him half-naked. Yes, ogling handsome actors seem to be a past-time of mine, nowadays. I just realized this was one of the reason I love watching Smallville. Tom Welling is hot.

Here’s a sneak preview of Sherlock Holmes. Enjoy!

reading for the baby

So I’m now in my 21st week and as fas as I know, now would be an awesome time to do some reading to my baby. It was said that my baby now can hear my voice and other sounds around. So I have been brushing up on my singing and reading, making it my goal to make sure that when he/she comes out, my voice will be easily recognizable.

The singing part is not much of a problem. There’s a wide variety of songs to choose from. I have my father who is the best singer in the world (for me, of course) and he helps choose what songs the baby can listen to. I also sing songs that I wrote and I plan to compose a new song for the baby. I’m just waiting to get inspired though.

The reading part is my obstacle.

The books I have here are all novels or references. I started reading Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being to the baby. I think the baby doesn’t like it that much. I read the spanish dictionary to the baby and Sun Tzu’s Art of War. Uhm, I don’t know if the baby liked any of them at all. Ok, it’s hard to tell but for now, watching Smallville (yep, I’m still on THAT marathon) is the only entertaining thing to do for me and the baby.

So far, reading to the baby as early as now is highly recommended by doctors and moms. I’m just wondering if my reading list which also consist of Cyrano De Bergerac, The Promise by Danielle Steele and Trainspotting.

Gal Pal Gracielle

An unexpected lunch date happened today. My bestfriend Gracielle texted me and asked if I wanted to have lunch with her. Instead, I insvited her over at my place for lunch. She came by with desserts and lots of stories. I do miss hanging out with her. I had a great time chatting. Too much, because I forgot to give her the sandals I wanted her to have which was just right beside her the entire time. Silly me.

We talked of our own worries for the future and many other stuff like friends abroad and who married who. It was nice reminiscing our past and of course, making plans for the future. She told me that I can most likely travel two years after the baby is born. Two years…it sounds like forever.

I was recently at my cousin’s house where we also talked of travelling. My number one destination will be Siargao. Surf’s up, guys! I want to go there and try their waves. After that, Boracay. It will be awesome if I go there during summer. I do hope I can bring my baby by then.

I applied for another job online and hopefully, this will turn out to be something lucrative. The position is a financial adviser for an online company. I do hope I’ll like it and get the job. I need the money.

I know God will provide and I am thankful my parents are ever supportive. Still, I still hope to bring in some money, no matter how little, in our home. Life may not be as I hope it would be after leaving Malaysia but with God’s help, it will all soon get better.

urgh!

Some people have been through a lot. Most of us try to go on living, leaving the past behind. It’s not surprising that some of us usually hold on to the pain. We wallow in our own misery and unwilling to let go, we stay stagnant in our own pit of ruin.

I am not perfect and no matter how much I try to live my life, trying not to break any rules along the way, I falter and I fall. This truth is hard to take by some people. They only see what they want to see. They make allowances for one who they think they know so well already.

This bothers me a lot. It bothers me because I am helpless against it. I am helpless against people who love to judge me and love to be known as an authority in my life.

Makes you wonder what makes me so popular among people like this. Am I really such a delicious target for malice, spite and ire?

Pregnancy tips not from my doctor part 2

Here are additional tips and beliefs I encountered from my cousins:

  • Pregnant women are lucky in everything! They keep asking me to kiss them so that they will win at playing mahjong, they keep on rubbing my stomach, and they all keep asking me for numbers to bet on the lottery.
  • If you look pretty and love to make yourself pretty, the baby is a girl.
  • If you look fugly and you hate the smell of perfumes and cosmetics, the baby is a boy.
  • If conception took place at night, it’s a girl.
  • If conception took place at day, it’s a boy.

I went to the obgyne earlier after hearing mass. Sigh, it was unfortunate that she didn’t have her own ultrasound equipment in her office. My dad and I only heard my baby’s strong heartbeats but no ultrasound scanning.

So now, I still don’t know the gender of my baby. I’m totally sad because I was so excited to find out already but the obgyne didn’t want to make me get one. Huhuhuhu…Now I have to wait until next month again. Cwap.

Mock me more!

Updates!

I applied for a job at a nearby callcenter. One of my bestfriends work there as a team captain. She told me that they are looking for an operations analyst and a soft skills trainer. Since Math and Excel should be your forte for the operations analyst position, I chose the trainer position instead.

I had my first mock presentation to their training head and other trainers. It was a nerve-wracking experience. The topic I presented to them was English Proficiency (which I suddenly realized, was not my strongest subject but it was too late to change the topic). I didn’t expect almost everyone in the training team showed up for my mock presentation. I nearly died then. Seriously, it was hell. They were all experts on the subject. And I was not. Ugh. It was humiliating, to say the least.

Thus, imagine my surprise when the HRD called me up yesterday and asked me to prepare a new presentation material for tomorrow (which is today already) at 1pm. I will be doing a mock training with real live trainees.

I felt a myriad of emotions all at once. Surprise, elation, panic, nervous, panic, hopeful, panic and disbelief.

Anyhow, I finished my presmat and wrote down some notes to remember during the mock training. Wish me luck!

Jumpstart July

It’s the fist day of the month and I have to start it right. I want no more lonely moments and crappy memories that will only make me sad. Think happy thoughts. Random thoughts.

Here’s a random thought! I focus on work, work and more work. Unfortunately, my writing mood is shitty and I’m hoping writing in my blog can kickstart my thinking cap and writing fingers.

Here’s a random act! I clicked on Yahoo! Personals and voila! 1000 men met my requirements of Woman seeking Men between the ages of 25-35 located in New York, NY. What made me laugh were the taglines the men had on their profile (although some were really cute!):

  • looking for my best half – too cheesy for me
  • will marry for health insurance – too honest
  • part teddy bear, part social butterfly – I would still prefer if he was a man
  • a tun of fun – I wonder if the guy deliberately misspelled the word “ton” to perhaps maybe make it ryhme with “fun”?
  • what do you do if your soap is dirty? – no comment
  • artist seeks artistic – too precise
  • pure potentiality – does this mean he has the potential to be anything?
  • sweet guy seeking sweet girl to love – he should meet the artist
  • I could help you see clearly – yep, he’s an optometrist
  • click your way into my life – this line, I like.

Do I feel better? Yes. Just looking through all those lines made me smile. They caught my attention and I think that was what it was meant to do. So, now, I can go back to work. Well, start to work. I’m just glad the gloomy mood is gone and I’m feeling a whole new month is coming up for me and my baby. A month full of surprises and good stuff!

@4=F4

 I know that when the second trimester comes, I would feel less pregnant even though I am looking more pregnant everyday. Here’s the deal, during my first trimester, my libido was nil. Surprised me a lot. Surprised my friends even more. I get really mushy especially when it comes to my crushes. I gush about them a lot and if I could, I would fake a swoon in front of the guy, just so he would notice me. After I got my pregnant, I seem to have lost my radar for great-looking men!

One incident that came to mind was when I worked with my long-time male model crush. We were with other male and female models plus other performers for three days. All throughout the trip, he was flirting with me. On the last day of our trip, he actually offered himself to me. All the while, I was oblivious. I just regarded his actions as funny and weird. When I told my friends, they all but slap me senseless because of what happened. It was only then did I realize that my hormones were not working right.

When I reached my fourth month, I started looking at pictures of my ex-boyfriend. I liked looking at his face. I kept thinking of him and though I already scolded myself several times, I can’t seem to help it. To add, I just watched 300 (super hunks! 300 manly men with awesome bods!) and the entire season 1 and season 2 of Meteor Garden just so I can watch Jerry Yan (sigh, I still want to be his Shancai).

 

I now have Summer Scent and My Girl lined up. I don’t know why but I am longing to watch them all over again. Honestly, I’m just looking forward to seeing all the cute leading men. My libido hasn’t come back but at least now, I’m aware of guys again.

What is wrong with me?

Being pregnant is full of mystery.

P.S.

I can now feel the baby move and yes, just like it said in the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting, it does feel like there’s a balloon inside.