Sick

knee_pain

I need something like this…

I’m so sick. I recently caught colds and the timing could not be worse. I will be performing 2 dances today at my alumni homecoming event.

For the last 2 weeks, the rigorous training for the two dances took its toll on my health. Now, I will be dancing with a runny nose and a dry cough. Ugh. Don’t forget to add that I’m worried I pulled a hamstring last night during rehearsals!

After dancing the first dance for a few times, I felt a twinge on my left knee. After the final practice for the second dance, it became more prominenet. By the the time I got home, it has spread down to my calves. When I woke up this morning, it now includes my thigh.

Maybe this is just muscle sprain. I don’t know. I just placed some mentholated ointment over it and still it won’t go away. 😦 What will I do now? The dance is this evening!!!

Although I drank medicine, my colds gave no sign of letting up. I will look ugly. I just know it. My costume is also not yet done. I have to sew on some parts of it this morning but I have work!!!

Sigh.

Ok, enough of this. I have to think positive.

Everything will be alright. Everything will go as God wills it. I will be fine.

To myself and to everyone out there, break a leg!!!

 

Fear

I have been plagued by this fear of failing. Although failure at something is a possibility, the idea of failure to meet the expectations of people is a different kind of circumstance that I would rather not endure.

I know that God gives us trials to test us and it seems to me that even before I begin to do what I’m about to do, I have already this heavy feeling of failure. The problem is that I let it hang over my head and over my heart. I don’t know how to remove it.

I tried not to think of it. Nothing has happened so far. The more I brush it away, the more guilty I feel when I haven’t even done anything wrong. I just feel guilty of being happy.

So now I’m feeling miserable and it should calm the fears inside me but I think it made it worse.

I pray and I pray and still the peace and calmness evades me.

I want to be thankful and happy but pretending to be any of those is too much.

I guess, I just want to write and somehow lose myself in words that no one reads and simply be.

Thought bubble

When people say you don’t like a person because he/she irks you or you find them creepy, why do they insist that you like them? Can’t it be that you just find them creepy? or weird? 

I know that most romantic novels begin that the heroine somehow dislikes the hero but then because of underlying tension, they get to connect somehow and hook up.

Sadly, in real life, the heroine just finds the guy irritating. 

Here’s the deal-breaker  should you have several guys you don’t like and have basically catered them to the “friendzone”, does this mean you really really like them or you truly dislike them?

I’m totally dreading an upcoming social event because I’m pretty sure someone will try to do the unthinkable and try to flirt with me and all I would be secretly doing is find ways on how to be polite and not display disgust.

In conclusion, I realized that if and when I do like a guy, I develop a crush on him. That’s basically it. If I don’t like a guy, one way or another, he would know it. 

Story of my non-existent love life. 

Quiet time

There’s nothing like some “me” time in front of my computer just to start my day. I do wish that I get to extend this time from 2 to 4 hours or more. This is my only time to catch up on what’s happening around the world and to gather my thoughts. 

It frustrates me that this is the only time I can work and blog. Cramming everything in those precious hours makes me feel like I have nothing much to write about.

Seriously, I’m beginning to abhor my current lifestyle. What’s worse is that I’m slipping into this routine of living it like I don’t have a choice. 

Pure hogwash.

I can change it but then I don’t.

See? This is what my quiet time does. It allows me to berate myself for being such a coward and not doing anything much to change my current status.

I read something that 2012 is supposed to be a year of love, travel and awesome opportunities for me in career and business. I am so looking forward to all of that. However, I know it won’t just happen if I continue to stay at home, holed up with my daughter and waiting for the sun to come up.

I really must go out there and make a change.

C’mon and start pushing me, too!