Of Expectations

tumblr_mj38r5ipeg1qe5ms4o1_400“Good things come to those who wait.”

“Don’t expect anything so you won’t get disappointed.”

“Claim it. It’s yours.”

“Act as if it already happened and it will.”

Contradictory? Yes. I am now at another crossroad in my life. I keep returning to this place. It’s practically like I’m coming home to it.

This is bad, right?

Where do I go from here? I don’t know.

I made some plans to go back to Manila. If I want change, I have to take a leap of faith once again. It’s as if I’m not moving anywhere when I’m here in CDO. Seriously, after 6 years, there should have been something major new changes but there’s none.

In that span, my BFFs got new lovers, new babies, celebrated anniversaries and now has a daughter in college!

Is it just my attitude? Am I too scared to do things that would risk everything else? Maybe. However, I yearn for change. A new pace. A new place. A new start.

Even the Best Man (who by the way, accepted my friend request and even took the time to chat with me even if I’m like this), got his restart in another country. In a way, I envy him.

I applied for work in Manila already and I plan to transfer there around mid-April. I know that my Dad’s heart is breaking over this decision of mine but I need to do this. I don’t know if he’ll understand it, but I know that he’ll support me anyway. This actually breaks my heart, too.

However, I don’t want to be depressed over this matter. I need to be cheerful and optimistic, right?

Should I expect that all of these things will go as planned? Or should I just give up and break my Mom’s heart in the process?

Expectations, hopes, dreams. It’s all the same. I can only offer all of these to God and pray that somehow, I’m on the right path which He planned for me to be on, right from the start.

Sick

knee_pain

I need something like this…

I’m so sick. I recently caught colds and the timing could not be worse. I will be performing 2 dances today at my alumni homecoming event.

For the last 2 weeks, the rigorous training for the two dances took its toll on my health. Now, I will be dancing with a runny nose and a dry cough. Ugh. Don’t forget to add that I’m worried I pulled a hamstring last night during rehearsals!

After dancing the first dance for a few times, I felt a twinge on my left knee. After the final practice for the second dance, it became more prominenet. By the the time I got home, it has spread down to my calves. When I woke up this morning, it now includes my thigh.

Maybe this is just muscle sprain. I don’t know. I just placed some mentholated ointment over it and still it won’t go away. 😦 What will I do now? The dance is this evening!!!

Although I drank medicine, my colds gave no sign of letting up. I will look ugly. I just know it. My costume is also not yet done. I have to sew on some parts of it this morning but I have work!!!

Sigh.

Ok, enough of this. I have to think positive.

Everything will be alright. Everything will go as God wills it. I will be fine.

To myself and to everyone out there, break a leg!!!

 

Thought bubble

When people say you don’t like a person because he/she irks you or you find them creepy, why do they insist that you like them? Can’t it be that you just find them creepy? or weird? 

I know that most romantic novels begin that the heroine somehow dislikes the hero but then because of underlying tension, they get to connect somehow and hook up.

Sadly, in real life, the heroine just finds the guy irritating. 

Here’s the deal-breaker  should you have several guys you don’t like and have basically catered them to the “friendzone”, does this mean you really really like them or you truly dislike them?

I’m totally dreading an upcoming social event because I’m pretty sure someone will try to do the unthinkable and try to flirt with me and all I would be secretly doing is find ways on how to be polite and not display disgust.

In conclusion, I realized that if and when I do like a guy, I develop a crush on him. That’s basically it. If I don’t like a guy, one way or another, he would know it. 

Story of my non-existent love life. 

Great Expectations

Once you’re back in the corporate world, a lot of people begin to have expectations from you. Not only that, you begin to have more expectations from yourself.

In a world where office politics rule, guidelines of black and white becomes gray, it is tough to get your head above the water, to keep yourself from drowning.

This is exactly what I feel on my new job. I’m drowning.

There’s a lot to take in and I need to absorb everything all at once. I’m just grateful that despite my blunders and my attempts to redeem my performance, my new employers are definitely understanding and are also not blind to my efforts to fit in with the staff and into their lives.

Sacrifices had to be made and my one loss and ultimate sorrow is everytime I leave my baby Heaven. I now realize that as a working mom, this is my greatest sacrifice, to be away from her.

I am hopeful that all I’m doing will be beneficial for our future.

Knowing I have my family’s full support and God’s unfailing love, I know those expectations will be met.

Brain Freeze

I think I’m simply glad that Heaven is finally sleeping better. Because my brain simply froze and I can’t seem to work or do anything but stare into nothing here in my computer.

I can’t sleep and this basically means I will be overworked, stressed and too worried to simply enjoy tomorrow. Or later. It’s 4am already.

Crap. 

It’s Friday now.

The question is why did I allow myself to be bitten by countless mosquitos without even being productive?

I am so fried out of my head.