On Turning 40

Last December 18, 2018, I turned 40. It was an ordinary day, much like any other except for one thing. I realized that it was time for a change.

I don’t know why turning 40 seemed more significant than my previous birthdays but events leading to that may have paved the road to make my journey more meaningful than it ever was before.

In 2018, I finally got to be transferred to a school nearer to my residence. I also transferred my daughter to the same school. This now meant spending more time with her and learning more about her.

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As 2018 slowly passed, I gained new friends (Hello, Team Ugmeme!) and forged deeper friendships with my bestfriends (Jen, Gracielle and Mia) and the Olyotz gang.

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While celebrating my birthday, I learned how love has snuck up on friends and although I was intrigued by the circumstances of how they met, I was not entirely uninterested.

Thus, a new resolve was born.

2019 will be the year I will put myself out there and grab the chance to live and love.

Therefore, my one true love must have all of those on my list. Here’s my list:

  1. He must be older than me.
  2. He must love and fear God.
  3. He must be financially secure, have a stable job or income, steadfast and loyal.
  4. He must be taller than me.
  5. He must be a good man.
  6. He must be a good father and a family man.
  7. He must love, know, respect and honor me.
  8. He must be attractive (to me, anyway).
  9. He is my best friend and my best love.
  10. He has a soul that knows my soul.

Somehow, after having this list, I feel that whoever is out there for me will eventually find me.

This is as clear-cut as it can get. There will be a few snakes out there but I know God will look out for me.

Have a wonderful 2019 to all of us! Cheers!

Enigmatic Eight

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en·ig·mat·ic (adjective) – mysterious, puzzling, difficult to understand

example:  At 8 years old, I can describe my daughter as enigmatic.

Yes, at this tender age, Heaven boggles my mind. She is moody, bossy and mean. I don’t know what to do with her. I don’t even know what’s wrong or what is causing this fierce personality to come out of my daughter. And I asked, believe me, I asked. She gave me mundane and silly reasons that I cannot fathom the logic behind my queries.

I find myself wishing I can turn back time when she was a biddable and pleasant child. Ugh!

I do recognize that she want to be independent (and she is) but she hardly has a sense of control. She now goes out of the house and hangs out with her friends within our subdivision but nowhere I have been. I’m scared half the time when she goes out. Accidents, dog bites and other things go through my mind making me anxious to have her back home.

So this summer, I decided to enroll her to a swim class. She liked this. Sadly it was only for 10 days. Although now, she can swim like a mermaid.

After the swim class, I entertained her with painting, dancing and the occasional mall date. Then I enrolled her to piano and voice classes but her lessons only happen twice a week. This means having a mini war with her each time I don’t give in to her demands during the rest of the week.

She is spoiled by all of us at home but I can’t really do much about it. She’s the only kid. Even when we treat her like an adult sometimes, she is still a kid and she gets cranky, hungry and throws tantrums that drives me crazy.

But I love her.

So I pray that this phase passes soon. We do have her recital and an out-of-town invite with her godmother in May to look forward to. Still, I can only hope that she will outgrow this 8 year old phase and become my loving Bumblebee again.

Broke

I am broke. Temporarily. I have less than a hundred pesos on my ATM.

My salaries haven’t been processed yet. I have no idea when it will. I guess this means no vacation for me and Heaven. I have to earn somehow. I have bills to pay and necessities to buy.

Yet I’m glad for this. I spend more time learning who my daughter is. And she is becoming a bundle of energy and love. She has my spirit and passion. Yet she is totally different from me. We can never be two peas on a pod. She has her own unique style. It’s amazing to witness.

I am thankful, I am blessed.

Money can’t buy everything and it’s true.

I’m broke but I’m not broken.

Thought bubble

When people say you don’t like a person because he/she irks you or you find them creepy, why do they insist that you like them? Can’t it be that you just find them creepy? or weird? 

I know that most romantic novels begin that the heroine somehow dislikes the hero but then because of underlying tension, they get to connect somehow and hook up.

Sadly, in real life, the heroine just finds the guy irritating. 

Here’s the deal-breaker  should you have several guys you don’t like and have basically catered them to the “friendzone”, does this mean you really really like them or you truly dislike them?

I’m totally dreading an upcoming social event because I’m pretty sure someone will try to do the unthinkable and try to flirt with me and all I would be secretly doing is find ways on how to be polite and not display disgust.

In conclusion, I realized that if and when I do like a guy, I develop a crush on him. That’s basically it. If I don’t like a guy, one way or another, he would know it. 

Story of my non-existent love life. 

Great Expectations

Once you’re back in the corporate world, a lot of people begin to have expectations from you. Not only that, you begin to have more expectations from yourself.

In a world where office politics rule, guidelines of black and white becomes gray, it is tough to get your head above the water, to keep yourself from drowning.

This is exactly what I feel on my new job. I’m drowning.

There’s a lot to take in and I need to absorb everything all at once. I’m just grateful that despite my blunders and my attempts to redeem my performance, my new employers are definitely understanding and are also not blind to my efforts to fit in with the staff and into their lives.

Sacrifices had to be made and my one loss and ultimate sorrow is everytime I leave my baby Heaven. I now realize that as a working mom, this is my greatest sacrifice, to be away from her.

I am hopeful that all I’m doing will be beneficial for our future.

Knowing I have my family’s full support and God’s unfailing love, I know those expectations will be met.

It’s sometimes quite difficult for me to simply be still. I wish i could just be, youi know.
Do forgive for the typo errors coz i’m writing on an ipad right now.
I totally find this gadget poor of use.
Or i simply don’t like using it.

While everyone is outside singingsa and partying, i’m here inside the room with my sleeping daughter.
Fthis is totally fine with me.
I love having my alone time. I hardly get it now.

Well, i don’t really count those times when i’m working.
I’m not exactly alone then.
I have the vampire mosquitos to keep me company.

Speaking of which, i watched two episodes of the Vampire Diaries earlier.
It was great.
I also watched Scott Pilgrim Vs The World.
Loved the movie. It was simple and the effects are aawesome.

I want to write some more. Actuaflly, i want to write on my other blogs. Update them and stuff but since i’m using the ipad, all my posts will end up with errors and shit. Crappy.

Oh and can i just say that i had a perm?
I will upload a new pic soon.

Hmmm…i’m really just rambling here.
Who cares, right?