Heavenly love (Taken with instagram)
Heavenly love (Taken with instagram)
Us in black and white.
A mother’s love for her child is like
nothing else in the world. It knows no
law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes
down remorselessly all that stands in its path. -Agatha Christie
Sometimes the laughter in mothering
is the recognition of the ironies and
absurdities. Sometimes, though, it’s
just pure, unthinking delight.-Barbara Shapiro
Yesterday was one of my happier days.
I met up with friends, had a wonderful time.
They say that good friends are like books that are hard to find which is why we should keep only the few good ones. I lost a lot of my favorite books from moving here and there. I also lost old friends and gained new ones. But those I have until now, I truly cherish. Some friends are like old books I have kept them somewhere only to have me find them all over again. I have that now. Old friends resurfacing and continue keeping a friendship that has lasted throughout the years.
Loyalty cannot be bought. Trust has to be earned. True friends will not deceive you. I hope you are all blessed to have good friends. They keep the wolves at bay and like a good book, they make you smile when the world is trying to make cry.
Now, it has a nice ring, right? Busy me, doing odd jobs here and there, online or otherwise. I finished my last writing assignment and with God’s grace, I got paid. I was jubilant. More so because a cousin of mine arrived from Manila and we all celebrated over the weekend with mahjong, alcohol, yummy food and Videoke. A typical Sunday for my family. On Monday, we attended a seminar for a networking scheme. It was very promising. I was even tempted to join but I don’t have the money for the membership fee. My cousin was sorely disappointed. I told my mom and bestfriend about it and maybe they can join instead of me.
What was unexpected was for me to see my ex-boyfriend’s sisters and nieces in the same seminar. They got me so nervous. I kept on looking over my shoulder, expecting my ex-boyfriend to arrive. It was both a relief and a disappointment when he didn’t. We have some unresolved issues that needed to be discussed face to face.
Anyhow, I received several job offers online and emailed them all back to show my interest. So far, I was able to snag two jobs. The first one was still article writing and the other one is being his virtual assistant. Becoming a V.A. was new to me. Today, my first task was to install wordpress into a website. Gad, with my wits scattered around me, I followed his instructions and I think, I installed it right. I hope so. I am tweedling my thumbs now, waiting for his email to tell me if I did it right.
As busy as I am, I found time to teach a couple who will have their wedding this Sunday at Xavier Estates Country Club. They both have not much knowledge in dancing so I taught them very simple steps which they can dance to their song, Something Stupid. What made the experience very rewarding for me was that they were able to have fun learning the steps and they looked very happy when dancing them. I can’t wait to watch them this Sunday. My dad and his band will be playing for them. The groom is from Mexico so a lot of Spanish were spoken. It was nice to hear them all talk in Spanish.
The bonus during the practice was Maxine. She was the 3-year old Rottweiller whom I fell in love with. She was huge and super-friendly. Affectionate and loving. If she could sit on my lap, she would but I’m pregnant and she’s really huge! I will upload her photo soon. She reminded me of Bruce, my ex-boyfriend’s dog. Except Bruce was much bigger and he was a real guard dog. Maxine is more of a house pet beause she’s fat and was too sweet.
Tomorrow, I will finally visit my doctor. My glucose test and all that. I have been having dreams that my baby is a boy. He/She is also very active now. It is now getting harder to sleep at night and i’m now having dizzy spells. Ugh. The last trimester. It all sounds so ominous now. Still slightly unreal in my mind. The First Boyfriend said I don’t need to look at any labor videos to prepare myself for the real thing. Good. I am scared of watching women giving birth.
With everything going on, I feel apprehensive of the future. I gave in to a bout of self-pity earlier and chided myself for being in a situation where I am totally unprepared. Then I had to take hold of my own rattled self and somehow look for strength to get through it all. I prayed to St. Raphael and St. Anthony to help me and so here I am, still scared but ready to face another day.
The reason why I didn’t get to visit my doctor was this stupid migraine which persisted until yesterday. It’s only now that I am able to fully recover and write. That throbbing pain was terrible. It totally slowed me down with this assignment I was aiming to finish by today. 10 articles by Sunday. I already submitted 7 and so I have 3 more to do later on.
After the fiesta events, everything has gone back to a certain normalacy. Except for the baby who seem to be kicking more strongly now. My sister still hasn’t given birth yet. I am both scared and scared for her. She told me she already watched some birthing videos. My heart pounds ever so faster each time anyone tries to show me how the entire thing goes down. I don’t know why now, of all time, do I start getting scared of seeing the gore and agony of childbirth (when I watched a lot of those before)? My aversion to pain and anything that refers to the birth canal is normal, right? Those pregnancy books I’m reading can only tell you so much. They don’t actually talk back to me and tell me that it’s going to be okay.
Enough of that. I am starting to get queasy now.
I plan to go to my doctor on Monday instead. Time to do that glucose test she wanted and to hear her reprimand me because I gained 3 kilos again! What do I have to do? Stop eating? I tried that but my baby kept on kicking my stomach so I have to eat.
Okay, so this is one whiny post. Sue me. I think I’m now 7 months pregnant. Eek! November is just around the corner and I still don’t know how to breathe.
Something to ponder…”We can never know what we want because living only one life, we can neither compare it to our previous life nor perfect it in our lives to come.” – Milan Kundera
I finally went to the City Health Office with MJ. We spent the whole morning there, waiting for the rural health midwife to arrive. There were about 10 or more pregnant women with me. Yes, we were bumping bellies in the small office where some have already used and others like me, will not agree to have the baby there. It’s actually just me. I’m actually just shy. The health center was not bad. It was clean, neat and homey. The midwife and her assistant were very nice and accommodating. I am just not that okay seeing the windows quite open and near the birthing bed.
While waiting, like all expectant mothers, there were a lot of stories exchanged. Like there was this one pregnant girl (I had to say girl because she only looked like 16 years old), she got pregnant before and gave birth then her baby died in the crib three days later. Very tragic. Another mom-to-be is praying she and her baby will be okay given the fact that the baby’s umbilical cord is coiled around the baby’s neck, twice. Others were like me, still in 5 or 6 months pregnant. They all knew it was my first time. I think my curiosity was a big giveaway. I asked about medical benefits, how long are the labor hours and many more.
While waiting for my turn, I noticed that the midwife took out a needle and a bottle from her little blue icebox.
Midwife: Give me your arm.
Pregnant Girl: What is that for?
Midwife: It’s your first tetanus shot. Please pay 5 pesos for the needle. Come back next month for the second shot.
My eyes grew big and I started to panic. Nobody told me that I will be getting any shots! HELP! I searched for my cousin MJ and asked him if I needed the shot. He said yes and that it won’t sting and I will be fine. Of course I won’t be fine. I’m scared of injections!
Thanks to God and my genes, I rarely get sick and if I had injections, they happened when I was little so I don’t remember much. I only remember those when I was older. That would be three incidents in my adult life.
The first one was when I was in college and I got hospitalized for my poor diet. I was too faint to even noticed they placed me on dextrose. It was very vague.
The second one was I had this upper respiratory tract infection during work and the hospital needed to get a blood sample from me. The intern who tried to do it twice was firmly reprimanded by the First Boyfriend. The intern couldn’t find my vein right away and I would have soon become a pin cushion. A doctor took over and got my blood sample but I was quite turned off by needles by then.
The third one was my dentist. He was a huge man who did an excellent job on my teeth and although the prick was tiny and it was full of anesthesia, the long needle sticking out and going into my gums scene was not one I want to ever see again.
The last one was in Malaysia and my cousin Ayo was there to hold my hand and make me not look as the nurse drew blood out again from my arm.
The midwife finally called my name and as she jotted down my medical info, I was thinking what excuse can I give her to delay the pure terror that will besiege me when she brings out the needle and try to inject me with the anti-tetanus shot.
Midwife: Ok, just pay 5 pesos for the needle and you come back here on October 6. I will give you the second shot.
Me: Ah, ma’am, do I really need that shot?; Didin’t I have that when I was a baby or something?
Midwife: You need this and your baby needs this to protect you both from infection. (She moves near me with the needle.)
Me: Uhm, wait please. (I inch farther away, going near the door.)
Midwife: You’re afraid? Okay, you better lie down just in case you faint. It will be over soon.
Me: Huh? What? (I want to run but I know that it’s for my baby. ) Okay, ma’am.
I went to the bed and laid down. The midwife took my left arm and rolled up my sleeve. I looked away towards anywhere but my left arm and the midwife and bit on my lip. The midwife placed the needle on my skin and the moment I felt the prick, I closed my eyes and my tears welled up. Then, a white hot flash of pain shot up on my arm, making my head spin and all I could feel was red. The color of red.
The midwife told me that it was over and asked me to hold the cotton over my arm firmly. I was glad my ordeal was over. Among all the jeers from the other pregnant ladies saying that giving birth is more awful than that silly needle shot, I wiped away my tears and smiled. Yes, I survived it. On my way home, I told myself I had to remember that I was strong for that shot and next month, I will still be strong for the second dose.
Speaking of my First Boyfriend who was actually my First Love, we got in touch with each other. It was nice to hear from him. He is now happily married with a son and have finally realized his dream of becoming a doctor. For what it’s worth, he was the one guy everybody in my family wished I ended up with. As for me, I am just glad we remain friends. As first loves go, he’s one of a kind.
I rarely get to go out but the past festivities for the fiesta forced me to be out of the house everyday since Friday. My unforgettable fiesta moments are:
Meeting up with Jingle! She’s one of my friends in Manila through my cousin Kats. She visited their family farm in Lanao with her husband, Jepoy. I have not met Jepoy before so I was truly delighted to meet up with them at SM CDO. It was a great time, chatting and catching up. The newlyweds were in love and happy. I was jealous, of course. Plus, she resigned from her stressful job and is now busy being a happy housewife! It wouldn’t surprise me if they would soon have little Jingle or little Jepoy in the picture.
There was also a dog show competition at SM that day. I took some pictures of the cute doggies. I am such a sucker for canines.
We went to the beach the next day to celebrate my stepmother’s birthday and had a great time frolicking along the sand, trying to get a tan and took lots of pictures of everyone! The food was prepared by my father and stepmom and it was superb. The spaghetti and fruit salad were the favorites. Here I am in all my 27 week glory:
I know, I can’t help it. I just had to have another shot at looking thin despite my very pregnant state.
It was my stepmother’s birthday last August 30. I also finally got to get in touch with my stepfather recently. Having both of them in my life made me realize something. Loving someone else’s child could not have come that easy. Trying to gain their love and respect as well, is no easy feat.
I remember how I saw my stepfather. In my mind, he was the unknown villain in my parents’ love story. I also saw the effort he gave trying to become my friend. Even at the age of 5, he would talk to me as if I’m an adult. He explained to me that he wasn’t there to take my father’s place but just to be my friend. This went on and on until I came to see him as my friend, a mentor and my guardian. I could only imagine how he must have felt then. He was quite young, now that I look back on it. Around early 20s, I guess and he was acting maturely for his age. He knew that for him and my mother to be together, he had to learn to love me and make me learn to love him.
I recall how I saw my stepmother. To me, she was just one of my father’s girlfriends. I met a few and they were all nice but after a few years, they would be gone and it will be just me and my dad again. When my stepmother arrived, I could tell she was nervous around me. I was no longer a child, I was 12 years old and I pretty much have my own opinion and I have my own view on life. She started to befriend me and like what I did with my stepfather, I acknowledged her presence and treated the entire situation temporary. However, as time passed, I came to know her more and love her. I am not an easy person to love and despite all my faults, she loves me unconditionally.
I am lucky. Really lucky. Both my stepparents are in my life and I love them almost as much as I love my parents. They both make my parents happy and complete. What is even more amazing is they learned to love me like their own. It occurred to me, that kind of love is rare. That is one grand gesture that not anybody can top. In return, I try to be a good stepdaughter to them.
Life is truly a mystery. Someday, I hope to find someone who can love my child like their own. I pray that my baby will be blessed as I was with learning to know and love two wonderful stepparents.
I really planned to watch the horse show event where my stepsister’s daughter, Megan Fabello, will be competing. I didn’t go because I had to finish some work required by a new online writing gig I got. I heard that Megan was the youngest rider competing. She lost to a boy from Davao, though. Still, we were all so proud of her and her horse Wallet.
The event took place in Mountain Meadows in Gusa, CDO. I truly admire her because she held herself very well on a horse. I rode a pony and I got nervous.
Speaking of nerves, the other night, I was woke up in the middle of the night because of a scratching noise near my bedroom window. I have a small night lamp beside my bed but it didn’t help much for me to see what was the cause of the scratching noises. I didn’tget up from bed but shone a light on where the noise was coming from with my cellphone’s LCD light. When I placed the light on the direction of the window, the scratching stopped.
It got me into thinking that maybe it was a mouse. Since I’m scared of them and it was obviously scared of me, too, I closed my eyes and started to drift back to sleep. Only a few moments (or was it a minute?) passed when I heard the scratching again. Still coming from the same direction. I did what I have done earlier and shone my phone’s light on the same spot. The noises stopped.
I brushed it off as a fluke and once more, started to go to dreamland when the noises started again. I was then nervous and scared. What if it’s a witch, trying to get to me because she can smell the blood of my baby and I wasn’t wearing anything black to hide my baby. I made the sign of the cross and shone my phone’s light on the window. The scratching ceased. I was relieved but I don’t know if I could even go back to sleep again. It was 2am something. I closed my eyes but didn’t sleep. I prayed and prayed until I eventually fell into a dreamless slumber.
The next night, I asked my dad to put garlic cloves on my window. The noises didn’t return anymore.
I still have the garlic hanging from my window and yes, I will leave it there until I give birth.
We live not as we will, but as we can🌸.
BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH
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