My first LinkedIn article

I should not be too proud but it’s my first article after such a long time. I wrote this to get it off my chest. I noticed that my boss was having a hard time with my colleagues. It came to a point that there was a rumored signature campaign that went on to replace him.

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So this article is for my boss and to other leaders having a difficult time managing their employees.

Do give it some love.

Thanks in advance!

 

On the road of life

Last March, I received an unexpected call from my sister. She tearfully told me that our mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer.

I was numb with shock and as tears rolled down my face I felt fear grip my heart.

I can’t lose my mom. No. Not yet.

The days following the news was a blur. When I spoke to her, she was crying and apologizing for what has happened. I told her that it was not her fault, that life is really like that. We are given new challenges and obstacles to overcome so that we can become stronger and better people afterwards. This is but another boulder on the road that we have to get around so we can continue our journey.

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I lied to her. Of course, I felt differently. Angry and scared, I was enraged. I hated that cancer is now back to try and take away another member of my family.

After some time, it was decided that we will try to go to her, see her and help her with her recovery. As the eldest, I was tasked to go first.

Fast forward to June of this year, I boarded the plane to finally see my mom after 3 years of separation. I have no expectations and my foremost thought and prayer was that she will be fine. She will still be there. She’s hanging on to life and that I will see her soon.

When I did saw her, my heart broke. She was so thin. She shaved her head and was looking fragile. I can only hide my heartbreak and simply show how happy I was. Happy and grateful for the chance to see her again and be with her.

My mom was not the most open person that I knew. Ever since I was young, she always seemed calm and collected. She only sheds her tears in private. It was how she was brought up. As the only girl in the family, she was sheltered and taught that she must always look a certain part. Modest, demure, meek and calm. She has never thrown a tantrum or shown how deeply she feels in public.

She makes very few friends. Selective and careful, she hates being talked about. More so with the rise of social media. She doesn’t even want people to know what was happening to her.

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I am obviously not like her. Where she was reserved, I was outrageous. I dance to my own tune and hardly listen to anyone. I hold myself accountable for my choices and stand by them. If they don’t sit well with others, I don’t really give it much thought.

We are opposites in so many ways and yet, we fit. I came from her womb and her blood runs through mine. My features are meshed from her and my father. My sense of calm and strength are from her. I admire her tenacity and work ethics. She is career-oriented and a goal-achiever. Sadly, I am not like her in that way. Still, my love for life and appreciation for simple moments of laughter, joy and peace make up for that.

For the next two months, I learned more about her than I would in my 40 years. She also helped me recover my confidence and belief in myself. For quite some time, I thought that dating was out of the picture for me. She had shown me that I was still attractive and that I still have the capacity to love romantically.

My short time with her greatly improved her health. Now that my sister is there with her, I’m sure that the road to recovery from this illness will be smoother.

Today, here in my living room, writing this down, I feel good. I am hopeful. I am grateful. I have been to many places and have met a lot of new people. I realized that the world is within my reach. My love for travel has been rekindled. My sense of adventure has been stoked. I feel as if I have been given a new chance to change everything. To grab life and really enjoy living.

There is much to do still. Getting around that boulder on the road was not easy but it was done. The rest of the road looms ahead, beckoning for a future unknown.

I look forward to the next journey and adventure.

On Turning 40

Last December 18, 2018, I turned 40. It was an ordinary day, much like any other except for one thing. I realized that it was time for a change.

I don’t know why turning 40 seemed more significant than my previous birthdays but events leading to that may have paved the road to make my journey more meaningful than it ever was before.

In 2018, I finally got to be transferred to a school nearer to my residence. I also transferred my daughter to the same school. This now meant spending more time with her and learning more about her.

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As 2018 slowly passed, I gained new friends (Hello, Team Ugmeme!) and forged deeper friendships with my bestfriends (Jen, Gracielle and Mia) and the Olyotz gang.

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While celebrating my birthday, I learned how love has snuck up on friends and although I was intrigued by the circumstances of how they met, I was not entirely uninterested.

Thus, a new resolve was born.

2019 will be the year I will put myself out there and grab the chance to live and love.

Therefore, my one true love must have all of those on my list. Here’s my list:

  1. He must be older than me.
  2. He must love and fear God.
  3. He must be financially secure, have a stable job or income, steadfast and loyal.
  4. He must be taller than me.
  5. He must be a good man.
  6. He must be a good father and a family man.
  7. He must love, know, respect and honor me.
  8. He must be attractive (to me, anyway).
  9. He is my best friend and my best love.
  10. He has a soul that knows my soul.

Somehow, after having this list, I feel that whoever is out there for me will eventually find me.

This is as clear-cut as it can get. There will be a few snakes out there but I know God will look out for me.

Have a wonderful 2019 to all of us! Cheers!

Black 39

I recently caught the k-drama bug and was able to watch a few new tv series. The first one was Goblin. This was a romance drama based on a superstitious belief of the existence of a Goblin Bride. It was good. I liked how they used past lives as a springboard for the plot. The Goblin fell in love with his bride and they lived happily ever after.

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The second one was My Secret Romance. Another romance drama that uses the typical rich guy with issues meets poor girl who also have issues. They had a one night stand and after 3 years, they met again. I wished they had a child during their tryst but it was not so. They fell in love despite their different worlds and it was a happy ending.

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Finally, another drama that centered on my love Song Seung Heon. The tv series Black. Here, he’s a grim reaper and for a while, people thought that it had a similar plot with Goblin. However, they were so wrong. Black had way more plot twists and action. I thoroughly enjoyed it. There were some unanswered questions at the end of the series but it was okay. Maybe the producers decided that it’s up to the audience to draw their own conclusions for most of the background story in the finale. Not exactly a happy ending but they still got together in the end.

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While watching the Black tv series and was caught up in all the death and grim reapers who would be guiding souls to their next journey, a sudden jolt of reality came a-calling. A phone call revealed that one of my cousins-in-law passed away unexpectedly. This was something our family did not expect at all and for a while, everything was black.

Today, Ate Chelo will be buried. I learned that instead of black or white, mourners are requested to wear pastel colors. Instead of a tearful farewell, her family would like her departure to be a joyful and happy one as she will soon meet our Creator. I also think that this would be a nice way to remember who she was in our lives. She looked really pretty and peaceful in her coffin. Her smile was beautiful. More than anything else, she will continue to live in all of us in our hearts.

Not long after, I turned 39. I celebrated this with my family and co-workers. The students prepared gifts, letters and chocolates for me. I felt really blessed. Even more so, my friends and family online also didn’t forget to greet me. Even my crushes! God is awesome!

So, on that note, I end this post with a few more words. Life is short. Let’s love and live as much as we can.

The red string of fate

e2d646b76accc8bda49e448899233ee84cd88d37_hqThey say that there is an invisible red string bound to you and your soulmate. For some, they have met their soulmates and for others, they remain unattached.

There was this one manga where this person can see the invisible red string of people and that they can see to whom they are meant to be.

Sometimes, I wish I have this kind of power.

It is quite unnerving to live not knowing to whom you are bound to be with.

The Photographer and I are now following each other on Instagram. I met the Best Man again.

It would seem that they are both well. The other continues to give me pleasure with his captured moments and the other has found closure on a turbulent chapter in his life.

Needless to say, my existence have no effect whatsoever. For this, I am glad.

I’m sure that one day, I’ll learn where my red string of fate will lead me to and in this post, I write that it could be not to any of them or it could be to one of them.

I write this with a happy heart and a hopeful soul. God truly works in mysterious ways.

That peace, be in your soul

The homily for mass earlier was about peace. As defined, it is the absence of turmoil/war/violence, etc. Fr. Harold (one of the parish priests) gave interpretations of peace based on the Old Testament as well as the New Testament.

Peace is having a heart full of Jesus. A fullness in your life that only Jesus can fill. Where you are never left wanting for more.

This, he says, was why we greet each other “Peace be with you”.

I liked his thoughts on this. This also led me to think that without peace, there would be chaos in our hearts.

For having a heart in such disarray and discontent, this would then lead to actions of the same.

But what if, you can’t feel anything at all? Thomas, the apostle, needed to see to believe that Jesus has risen. For most of us, we believe in Jesus, period.

With our faith comes the wonder of life, the appreciation of God’s creations, the community, relationships and miraculous moments that we recognize to be God’s love.

What if you can’t feel any of those? Or you can’t really recognize emotions that would make you feel any of God’s love for you?

Is knowing (learning via books, videos, testimonials, etc.) of God’s manifestations enough to fill the void in your heart or soul, for that matter?

During puberty, I felt very disconnected from the world. No matter how many books I read, how many people I meet, I felt all relationships were superficial and shallow.

Over time, it disappeared and I think that I’m more emotionally mature than before. However, there are some people who can’t really feel. Or maybe, they have not yet learned how to feel. They suffer from alexithymiaquotation-h-p-lovecraft-the-oldest-and-strongest-emotion-of-mankind-is-fear-and-34-69-81, a soul without words, a personality trait that can’t identify emotions or put them in words.

I guess, I was simply disturbed by this. I noticed that a lot of people are becoming distrustful of others. There are more pessimists and cynics nowadays. Some have become passive and uncaring. Apathy is truly the opposite of love.

Thus, I am now filled with fervor to ensure that my daughter will grow to be a person who will care about others and who will care about the world.

I hope that in this small way, I can educate hr emotionally to be wise and loving. Hopefully, she will learn how to keep peace in her heart.