Silence

Now that I’m in an online relationship with My Guy, it has been going quite well.

We have been communicating on a daily basis and I would like to think it brought us closer, meaning we are getting to know each other better. But I also realized that you can’t really know a person that well until you have met them in real life and spent time with them.

So, we made plans to meet and although it won’t be any time soon, it is something I am definitely looking forward to.

In the meantime, we do what we both can and spend time with one another.

Today, I also learned that daily communication is hard to maintain. My Guy has other things to do and me, being me, expected too much. Yes, I am guilty of waiting for him.

I did my best to keep myself busy but as hours passed, I got worried. Could something have gone wrong? Was he okay?

Throw in our time difference and my fear of him not feeling well (as he was not for the past two days), my brain has racked up terrible scenarios.

I try even more to think positive thoughts and pray about it and still I am worried.

Which is why I’m here, blogging how I’m feeling.

I also know this is a test. Relationships go through this. Testing the trust, testing the faith, testing the emotions and choices that actually fuel the connection.

I pray that we will survive this test.

A Summer of Art, Family and Friends

Our summers in Manila has always been unforgettable. This summer, in particular, was one I have to write about. I thoroughly enjoyed it because we did a lot of things that I loved.

Like most summer days, the kids and I stayed at home. We watched movies, swam and simply spent time together. We also developed a love for going to the arcade.

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Cayenne, Tajmahal and me. ๐Ÿ™‚

When my best friend Taj and her daughter Cayenne went to visit, we reenacted what they did the last time the three kids were together. They danced.

Later on, we went to Tom’s World and played one of their games which really placed a dent in my pocket. However, it was worth it. We all had fun and simply had a great time together.

The kids also went swimming and simply played together while Taj and I talked and talked.

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It was a wonderful time spent with my beautiful single mom friend. Yes, she is still single. Just like me! ๐Ÿ™‚ Don’t wonder why because we also don’t know why nobody is interested in us! We are awesome! Hahahaha!

As I mentioned before, we played some games and quizzes on the TV and here are some results of my answers. I was very satisfied with them because it described me perfectly!

On a special day, we also visited my sister Anna Carmela. I miss her very much. She really was the best among us. She was so strong, kind and generous. She was a beautiful person and how I wish she was still here with us. However, I know she lives in our hearts. Forever.

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The siblings. Complete.

Now, painting is something I love doing. When I do have the time, I like getting lost in the world of colors and imagination. This time, my sister Monina showed us a cute way of painting over Pokemon cards. So here are some of our artwork.

 

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Above: Painted by Heaven and Liam

Below: Painted by me

I really had fun doing these things with them. Family time is really something to treasure. Memories that we create remind us that our lives should be lived with love, laughter and joy.

My first LinkedIn article

I should not be too proud but it’s my first article after such a long time. I wrote this to get it off my chest. I noticed that my boss was having a hard time with my colleagues. It came to a point that there was a rumored signature campaign that went on to replace him.

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So this article is for my boss and to other leaders having a difficult time managing their employees.

Do give it some love.

Thanks in advance!

 

On the road of life

Last March, I received an unexpected call from my sister. She tearfully told me that our mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer.

I was numb with shock and as tears rolled down my face I felt fear grip my heart.

I can’t lose my mom. No. Not yet.

The days following the news was a blur. When I spoke to her, she was crying and apologizing for what has happened. I told her that it was not her fault, that life is really like that. We are given new challenges and obstacles to overcome so that we can become stronger and better people afterwards. This is but another boulder on the road that we have to get around so we can continue our journey.

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I lied to her. Of course, I felt differently. Angry and scared, I was enraged. I hated that cancer is now back to try and take away another member of my family.

After some time, it was decided that we will try to go to her, see her and help her with her recovery. As the eldest, I was tasked to go first.

Fast forward to June of this year, I boarded the plane to finally see my mom after 3 years of separation. I have no expectations and my foremost thought and prayer was that she will be fine. She will still be there. She’s hanging on to life and that I will see her soon.

When I did saw her, my heart broke. She was so thin. She shaved her head and was looking fragile. I can only hide my heartbreak and simply show how happy I was. Happy and grateful for the chance to see her again and be with her.

My mom was not the most open person that I knew. Ever since I was young, she always seemed calm and collected. She only sheds her tears in private. It was how she was brought up. As the only girl in the family, she was sheltered and taught that she must always look a certain part. Modest, demure, meek and calm. She has never thrown a tantrum or shown how deeply she feels in public.

She makes very few friends. Selective and careful, she hates being talked about. More so with the rise of social media. She doesn’t even want people to know what was happening to her.

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I am obviously not like her. Where she was reserved, I was outrageous. I dance to my own tune and hardly listen to anyone. I hold myself accountable for my choices and stand by them. If they don’t sit well with others, I don’t really give it much thought.

We are opposites in so many ways and yet, we fit. I came from her womb and her blood runs through mine. My features are meshed from her and my father. My sense of calm and strength are from her. I admire her tenacity and work ethics. She is career-oriented and a goal-achiever. Sadly, I am not like her in that way. Still, my love for life and appreciation for simple moments of laughter, joy and peace make up for that.

For the next two months, I learned more about her than I would in my 40 years. She also helped me recover my confidence and belief in myself. For quite some time, I thought that dating was out of the picture for me. She had shown me that I was still attractive and that I still have the capacity to love romantically.

My short time with her greatly improved her health. Now that my sister is there with her, I’m sure that the road to recovery from this illness will be smoother.

Today, here in my living room, writing this down, I feel good. I am hopeful. I am grateful. I have been to many places and have met a lot of new people. I realized that the world is within my reach. My love for travel has been rekindled. My sense of adventure has been stoked. I feel as if I have been given a new chance to change everything. To grab life and really enjoy living.

There is much to do still. Getting around that boulder on the road was not easy but it was done. The rest of the road looms ahead, beckoning for a future unknown.

I look forward to the next journey and adventure.

On Turning 40

Last December 18, 2018, I turned 40. It was an ordinary day, much like any other except for one thing. I realized that it was time for a change.

I don’t know why turning 40 seemed more significant than my previous birthdays but events leading to that may have paved the road to make my journey more meaningful than it ever was before.

In 2018, I finally got to be transferred to a school nearer to my residence. I also transferred my daughter to the same school. This now meant spending more time with her and learning more about her.

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As 2018 slowly passed, I gained new friends (Hello, Team Ugmeme!) and forged deeper friendships with my bestfriends (Jen, Gracielle and Mia) and the Olyotz gang.

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While celebrating my birthday, I learned how love has snuck up on friends and although I was intrigued by the circumstances of how they met, I was not entirely uninterested.

Thus, a new resolve was born.

2019 will be the year I will put myself out there and grab the chance to live and love.

Therefore, my one true love must have all of those on my list. Here’s my list:

  1. He must be older than me.
  2. He must love and fear God.
  3. He must be financially secure, have a stable job or income, steadfast and loyal.
  4. He must be taller than me.
  5. He must be a good man.
  6. He must be a good father and a family man.
  7. He must love, know, respect and honor me.
  8. He must be attractive (to me, anyway).
  9. He is my best friend and my best love.
  10. He has a soul that knows my soul.

Somehow, after having this list, I feel that whoever is out there for me will eventually find me.

This is as clear-cut as it can get. There will be a few snakes out there but I know God will look out for me.

Have a wonderful 2019 to all of us! Cheers!