At 9 years old, you would think that my daughter would be more responsible and more obedient but the reality of it all is that she’s pretty much the same as when she was 8. Which is actually good except when it’s not.
As a parent, I know I have certain expectations from her and although I try my best not to make her feel obligated to fulfill them, I realized that I still find a way to do so. This in turn makes her grouchy and whiney.
I can only fault myself and social media.
Why social media? Well, she finds out numerous things online which clearly influences her taste in music, clothes and hobbies. I used to play with her and her Barbie dolls but now, she would rather curl up in a corner and watch something on YouTube. Obviously, the videos she watch were more entertaining than me.
We used to take a lot of selfies together and now, she begrudgingly accommodates me when I ask her to take one with me. Thank you, Instagram for deeming me not instagrammable in the eyes of my child.
The larger part to blame is myself. I try to be there for her but I should try harder. As a single mother, I do feel that all the responsibility in making her a better person is really just on me. Whoever said that raising a child takes a whole village was not accurate. Inevitably, it all goes back to how your parents raised you or didn’t raise you to shape the potential human you can become.
Sometimes, when my daughter makes a mistake, I would feel eyes of people on me as if they’re asking themselves, “How did she raise that child to be like that?” and other sentiments. Of course. I could just be paranoid but I’m sure some of you have felt this. And honestly, in that moment is when I feel I’m weakest. I feel helpless and idiotic.
I do wonder how other parents do it. Other single moms who can manage their own brood without breaking a sweat. I know that I’m obviously doing something wrong but I can only strive to do better. I try to remind myself that even with all my blunders and stupid mistakes in parenting, I have this amazing little human who is brave, daring and joyful.
So I guess we should celebrate little victories. When she gets a perfect score in a quiz, I praise her and lift her up. When she gets hurt and cries, I tell her it’s okay and that we just need to learn from our mistakes so it won’t happen again.
I also realize that she won’t be 9 years old forever. No matter how much I wish her to stay my baby, in a matter of years, she will soon be a young lady and the teenage years will be upon us.
I am so not looking forward to that stage.
Raising a child takes a lot of patience, prayers and perseverance. And if you have someone to share this burden with, you are blessed. I’m just glad my family have always been an army of support. Seriously, I could not have done this without them and God.