How the heart crumbles

imagesThe past few weeks were a roller coaster of events for me. With trainings, final exams in my MBA, my daughter’s exams, our family reunion and more, my emotional state was in a word, stressed.

Among all of these was the inevitable tragedy that was called my one-sided crush. My last moment with him was with a crowd and now he has gone. And although I was quite sure that he has taken over me, one measly “hi” from the Best Man has me in an instant state of nervousness, excitement, fear and hope.

And that’s how my heart crumbled.

What the heck is wrong with me!?! He has moved on and I know that our polite exchange of pleasantries meant nothing to him but why am I still so affected?

No, I’m not in love with him. I have purposely stopped myself from contacting him and I think I did well. Is this my punishment instead? Will he always have this hold on me?

I can’t stop being a friend to him. That would spell disaster for me. I think I would die. So if I do get to interact with him I’m good. I’m okay. I won’t meddle in his life.

So I have to get this put of my chest. I have to purge myself from this insanity. Maybe I should date other people but ugh. There’s no one interesting enough to even date. The one guy that caught my interest has left.

That’s it.

I’m good now. I have let this out. I deserve a pat on the back. The chances of us seeing each other is nil. So the latest chapter in this story has been completed. Life goes on. So should I. But why do I crumble so easily with him? It’s really so unfair.

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