The past few weeks were a roller coaster of events for me. With trainings, final exams in my MBA, my daughter’s exams, our family reunion and more, my emotional state was in a word, stressed.
Among all of these was the inevitable tragedy that was called my one-sided crush. My last moment with him was with a crowd and now he has gone. And although I was quite sure that he has taken over me, one measly “hi” from the Best Man has me in an instant state of nervousness, excitement, fear and hope.
And that’s how my heart crumbled.
What the heck is wrong with me!?! He has moved on and I know that our polite exchange of pleasantries meant nothing to him but why am I still so affected?
No, I’m not in love with him. I have purposely stopped myself from contacting him and I think I did well. Is this my punishment instead? Will he always have this hold on me?
I can’t stop being a friend to him. That would spell disaster for me. I think I would die. So if I do get to interact with him I’m good. I’m okay. I won’t meddle in his life.
So I have to get this put of my chest. I have to purge myself from this insanity. Maybe I should date other people but ugh. There’s no one interesting enough to even date. The one guy that caught my interest has left.
I’m good now. I have let this out. I deserve a pat on the back. The chances of us seeing each other is nil. So the latest chapter in this story has been completed. Life goes on. So should I. But why do I crumble so easily with him? It’s really so unfair.
Yes, you can simply look at my hips and say that I have gained weight. Sheesh. However, I am in the middle of negotiation as I am asked to
perform this Saturday. This meant taking out my dusty box full of belly belts and other accessories to once again immerse myself in the world of bellydance.
Honestly, I’m not prepared to dance again. I’m fat and I’m rusty. However, the performance was a special request from my relatives. I don’t know how it will really go but I shall do my best not to disappoint them.
I am no longer as agile and flexible as before and surely I am not as slender. Still, I do hope that the present me can still deliver.
Look forward to my next blog post! If all goes well, I might be brave enough to post a video of my performance.
It has been a while since I blogged and today I can only think of writing about my one-sided crush! I am beyond hopeless. I know that. Because among all the crushes I have ever had, this one is the Impossible Dream!
I’m not gonna go into the details. In a nutshell, I think I have known him for around 3 years or so. He’s not even that handsome (although I’m totally diggin’ the wrinkles on his face when he smiles) but the way he speaks is like music to my ears. I recognize this as an illogical reaction to all his practical and logical reasoning. Like even in a crowd, I felt that he was speaking to me (and only me) even though that’s not totally the case.
So I have been crushing on him for a while and there’s really nothing there except my own delusions of liking him like a teenager. And yes, I think I’m acting like a teenager. I mean, I’m floating on air when he sends me a message! I want to fly when he smiles at me! I can’t seem to stop myself from being near him!
However, I do have a semblance of control and I don’t really want to have him hate me for feeling this way. So it’s only here that I write all about my stupid feelings and just allow myself to feel all the butterflies in my stomach and this stupid grin on my face that you can’t ever wipe off whenever I think of him.
Since I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t think that much of me, so I am allowed to shout to the blogosphere that I like him!!! A lot!!! And I will most likely have a crush on him for a long long time.
I’m in no hurry to end this. It has been a while since I have felt this giddy over a guy. I’m going to savor each moment.
Cheers to my crush! You have made me look forward to dreaming of you and more (I actually dreamt of him twice already)!