That peace, be in your soul

The homily for mass earlier was about peace. As defined, it is the absence of turmoil/war/violence, etc. Fr. Harold (one of the parish priests) gave interpretations of peace based on the Old Testament as well as the New Testament.

Peace is having a heart full of Jesus. A fullness in your life that only Jesus can fill. Where you are never left wanting for more.

This, he says, was why we greet each other “Peace be with you”.

I liked his thoughts on this. This also led me to think that without peace, there would be chaos in our hearts.

For having a heart in such disarray and discontent, this would then lead to actions of the same.

But what if, you can’t feel anything at all? Thomas, the apostle, needed to see to believe that Jesus has risen. For most of us, we believe in Jesus, period.

With our faith comes the wonder of life, the appreciation of God’s creations, the community, relationships and miraculous moments that we recognize to be God’s love.

What if you can’t feel any of those? Or you can’t really recognize emotions that would make you feel any of God’s love for you?

Is knowing (learning via books, videos, testimonials, etc.) of God’s manifestations enough to fill the void in your heart or soul, for that matter?

During puberty, I felt very disconnected from the world. No matter how many books I read, how many people I meet, I felt all relationships were superficial and shallow.

Over time, it disappeared and I think that I’m more emotionally mature than before. However, there are some people who can’t really feel. Or maybe, they have not yet learned how to feel. They suffer from alexithymiaquotation-h-p-lovecraft-the-oldest-and-strongest-emotion-of-mankind-is-fear-and-34-69-81, a soul without words, a personality trait that can’t identify emotions or put them in words.

I guess, I was simply disturbed by this. I noticed that a lot of people are becoming distrustful of others. There are more pessimists and cynics nowadays. Some have become passive and uncaring. Apathy is truly the opposite of love.

Thus, I am now filled with fervor to ensure that my daughter will grow to be a person who will care about others and who will care about the world.

I hope that in this small way, I can educate hr emotionally to be wise and loving. Hopefully, she will learn how to keep peace in her heart.

If Tomorrow Comes

8a2ef8085cd388f3f1bd35d1d41c5ba1This was one of my favorite Sidney Sheldon book. It still is. The story is about a con artist out for revenge. The title represents the determination and will of the heroine to overcome the cruel fate she faces and should tomorrow come, she can rise up to avenge her family and herself.

The idea of tomorrow represents many things. Tomorrow is a future unknown yet known. I slept last night, thinking that I’ll be waking up the next day with things to do. So in a way, I am certain of my future. Yet, how sure was I that I would still wake up? Sometimes, I purposely don’t fall asleep and try to eke out minutes until it’s midnight. When it’s 12:05 am, I tell myself, well, I’m alive. I’m here in tomorrow. Then I fall asleep.

That’s how sometimes I deal with my fear of dying.

Stupid, huh?

I don’t know, somehow, this method calms my inner turmoil. It sheds a bit of hope as to what tomorrow will bring. Unfortunately, I am merely deluding myself based on a clock that tells me that it’s the following day. When it’s 12:05 am, tomorrow has gone and today is basically what I comforted myself with.

I was reading this article on Scientific American Mind (July/August 2014 issue, page 10-11) on how we sense time. This is not exactly new to me as I have learned over my years as a bookworm that time is relative. It is flexible and it is definitely not the same for everyone or thing.

So beyond learning that time passes faster for insects like flies, there was an info-graphic that asked, “Which Way is Tomorrow?”

This was interesting because tomorrow varies from one person to another. This is largely due to culture and geography. Even now, as I type each letter on this blog post, seconds of time has passed letting me know that what I have written is over and done. If the keys on the computer keyboard were alive, and each time they are pressed is equivalent to one day, the letters would have gone years in just half a day. This article would explain it better. Concept wise, it’s all relative to me.

To test how we all perceive time, I asked my daughter, father and stepmother, which way is tomorrow for them. Their answers were surprisingly different.

For my daughter Heaven, she first pointed up, towards the sky/ceiling. When I rephrased the question, she pointed downwards.

For my stepmom, she pointed towards the front, or straight ahead of her.

For my father, he pointed towards the sky/ceiling.

As for me, I pointed the same way as my stepmom.

Based on the article, most Spanish cultures would point forward, ahead. For Mandarin or Chinese culture, the would point downwards. For Hebrew and Arabic, they would point to the left direction and for English culture, to the right direction. This is closely linked to their language, how it is written and their traditions and beliefs.

As midday draws near, I wait for time to slowly pass me by. My daughter will finish her dance class in a bit and writing this blog post has helped me pass the time productively.

Tomorrow is still uncertain and I think that I would still find myself doing my countdown to midnight. However, the future of not knowing is also a gift in itself. It is a surprise, a wonderful one should you get to wake up and greet a new day with a smile and a thankful heart.




For the love of Song Seung Heon

saimdang-lights-diaryThis is not a post about Song Seung Heon.

Ok, I lied.

I am currently watching the K-drama, Saimdang, becuase of him.

It has been a while since I have set aside an hour or so in a day, to watch K-drama. For the past few years, I have been more engrossed with manga and anime. The last K-drama I watched was My Love from Another Star. I thoroughly enjoyed that.

Now, that my love from another region in Asia is back, I can only look forward to the times I can use the laptop and watch an episode or two on it. Somehow, they removed the English subtitles on the episodes on Youtube and thus, I had to do some searches online to finally get a streaming of the episodes.

Overall, I liked the plot. I thought that it would be your typical flashbacks but no, I was captivated by Saimdang of the past and truly awed by the present Saimdang. So far, I liked that the present Saimdang is facing almost the same dire circumstances as the past Saimdang and how both characters are doing their best to overcome their problems.

But beyond that, I love watching Song Seung Heon act. His character is even a bit of a mystery still.

So for art lovers, this K-drama is a find. It has paintings, poetry and valuable lessons on life and even in love.

I’m now on episode 11. Well, I’m about to begin it so until, next time.

A decade later…

Their story is something that came out from romance novels. They met in college and got married after graduation. The girl was orphaned after a while and the boy’s family eventually became her own. Although they have yet to have a child, they have acquired a few over the years. Their marriage was not a bed of roses but somehow, they still have what it takes to make it through.

I was witness to their beginning and now after 10 years, I am still a witness to how love works to overcome obstacles and trials beyond my comprehension.

I am a cynic when it comes to love and relationships. I have had my share of failures. However, when I am with them, I sometimes catch myself hoping to experience love again (in spite of my poor batting performance).

I can only pray that over time, God will continue to bless them and look after my wonderful cousin and her husband.

Happy 10th wedding anniversary, Joserg and Jessa! Many more to come!


The Best Man was not around and I was partly sad and partly relieved. The party was awesome, though. 😉