Of Expectations

tumblr_mj38r5ipeg1qe5ms4o1_400“Good things come to those who wait.”

“Don’t expect anything so you won’t get disappointed.”

“Claim it. It’s yours.”

“Act as if it already happened and it will.”

Contradictory? Yes. I am now at another crossroad in my life. I keep returning to this place. It’s practically like I’m coming home to it.

This is bad, right?

Where do I go from here? I don’t know.

I made some plans to go back to Manila. If I want change, I have to take a leap of faith once again. It’s as if I’m not moving anywhere when I’m here in CDO. Seriously, after 6 years, there should have been something major new changes but there’s none.

In that span, my BFFs got new lovers, new babies, celebrated anniversaries and now has a daughter in college!

Is it just my attitude? Am I too scared to do things that would risk everything else? Maybe. However, I yearn for change. A new pace. A new place. A new start.

Even the Best Man (who by the way, accepted my friend request and even took the time to chat with me even if I’m like this), got his restart in another country. In a way, I envy him.

I applied for work in Manila already and I plan to transfer there around mid-April. I know that my Dad’s heart is breaking over this decision of mine but I need to do this. I don’t know if he’ll understand it, but I know that he’ll support me anyway. This actually breaks my heart, too.

However, I don’t want to be depressed over this matter. I need to be cheerful and optimistic, right?

Should I expect that all of these things will go as planned? Or should I just give up and break my Mom’s heart in the process?

Expectations, hopes, dreams. It’s all the same. I can only offer all of these to God and pray that somehow, I’m on the right path which He planned for me to be on, right from the start.