The Frustration of Dreams

They say that every night, we dream. There are some dreams that we remember when we wake up but most of them, we forget. Last week and the other night, I had two dreams I could not forget because both of them involved the Best Man.

The first one was a scene wherein it seemed that the Best Man and I were working in the same company. This dream seemed to be a continuation of the other one I recently had that prompted me to write this. I saw him eating in a cafeteria and when I was about to be at his table, the scene changed and he was already walking far away from me. I walked after him and then suddenly, we were in a cubicle. He was sitting on a desk and when I arrived, he smiled. Then we talked about the weather and I commented that his hair was thinning and he laughingly said that receeding hairline was in his family.

Then he took my hand out and placed a rosary in it. He simply looked at me and smiled.

I woke up perplexed. I didn’t know exactly what it meant but I knew that God was using him to make me pray the rosary. I changed my profile picture on Facebook into that of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary and downloaded audios of the rosary.

I now pray the rosary every morning. I pray for my family, I pray for help and guidance, I pray for love.

The other dream was quite different. After dreaming of the Best Man, I talked about it with my cousin. She also made me remember how our relationship broke down. It was a terrible time for both of us. I guess, I realized why the Best Man wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.

However, my cousin encouraged me to try and be friends with him. I protested. I did this out of cowardice. I am gripped with the fear of rejection. What if I do add him as a friend on Facebook and send him a message? What if he rejects my request and my message just gets “seenzoned”? Ugh. The pain. The agony. The hurt.

Yet, I still dreamed of him.

In the second dream, I was in a wedding. My family was around and it was during the pictorials of the bride and groom and I was just loafing around when suddenly a guy who looked like one of our common friends, called out the Best Man’s name. I looked up and saw him from afar. He looked so handsome in his formal clothes.

Then that guy who called out to him saw me and then looked at him and then shouted, “When will you get married?”

The Best Man laughed then suddenly turned to looke at me. He smiled at me! I blushed in embarrassment and ducked behind my aunt who was beside me and sat huddled on the floor. In my head, I was screaming that he knows how I feel now!!! I’m so busted!!! I want to hide!!!

Then I woke up.

So what does this all mean? I have no idea. I talked this over again with my cousin and she still insists that I should try and be friends with the Best Man.

Yesterday, the homily was all about love. Love for family, for the community, for those who are in our hearts. Am I still in love with the Best Man? I don’t know. Maybe, I’m simply hung up on him because we never had that closure after we broke up. Maybe that’s why I keep dreaming of him. Maybe I really should just try to be friends. If he rejects me, then there’s nothing to do. Hopefully, afterwards I won’t dream of him anymore.

So, it’s decided. I’ll do what my cousin says. Wish me luck!

 

 

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