The Accountant

Leo was pissed. Some guy is trying to woo his girlfriend Vicky. Although he’s confident of Vicky’s faithfulness, he is extremely annoyed at the smooth moves this guy is pulling.

He sends Vicky love notes, love letters, chocolates and flowers. Vicky was flattered but wasn’t interested at all. What piqued Vicky is how Leo is handling all of this.

Finally, Leo couldn’t take it anymore. The guy was about to hand Vicky another of his love poems when Leo grabbed him and punched him in the face. The guy fell with a bloody nose and a black-eye. Vicky was surprised and asked her friends to take the guy to the infirmary.

Vicky turned to face Leo and said, “I actually liked his poems, letters and the little things he gave me for no apparent reason. It was sweet and all you did was to punch him senseless.”

With that, she left him. Leo was now confused. What does she want?

After several days of not seeing each other since Vicky was obviously being unreasonably mad at him for reasons unknown, Leo decided to imitate the previous guy’s tactics. Since he can’t afford the flowers and chocolates since it’s not included in his budget, he decided that a love letter will do, for now.

My Sweetheart,

I write to you in all humility. I am your love slave…I will do anything for you…

That was awful. Leo crumpled that letter and started writing another one.

My Dearest Vicky,

You are the reason for my very being. You are the angel in my life. I live and breathe for you…

Crap. It was not working. Le looked through love poems, love letters and other romantic materials he can get inspiration but it was not working. He was just not cut out to be romantic that way. He was an accountant and everything else made sense to him as long as he can balance the account given to him.

After several hours, this is what he wrote:

My Darling Vicky,

When I met you, you gave me something special. I invested that in the bank of my heart. At 25% interest, compounded daily, my love for you grew at such alarming speed. You might wonder why 25%. Out of 100% of the principal amount, 25% I allocated for God. He brought us together and He will always be part of our relationship. The other 25% is set aside for our future family. The other 25% is for our individual needs. Our personal growth, dreams and ambitions for ourselves. The remaining 25% is our love for each other.

I make withdrawals for times we quarrel or argue which means to cover for those unexpected drawing from the account, I specified a 25% interest rate. This is not withstanding that after we kiss and make up; I also gain more than what I lost. Thus, I placed those in a time deposit account, still in the bank of my heart.

Every month, I audit my love account and I am happy to learn that my return of investment has more than surpassed my forecast.

Finally, I would like to convert this into a joint account and I hope you will think of this as a lucrative investment that will make us both set for life.

Love, Leo

Vicky soon married Leo. They had two daughters and three grandsons.

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