I walked to her grave and though it has been months since I last visited, it all looked like it was before. I placed the red roses she loved beside her tombstone. I looked around if there was anyone else near the vicinity. There was no one.
I knelt down and started removing the fallen leaves that fell on her final resting place. I sat down after a bit and decided to just tell her what happened.
“Hi. I just dropped by to visit you. I know it has been a while. I hope you’re not sad about that. For the last six months or so, many things have happened.”
I took a deep breath and readied my handkerchief. This was the hardest part. The crying part.
“I…miss you. I tried to call so many times but I was too scared of your anger. I know I disobeyed you and I shouldn’t have done that. Now, I see the error of my ways. But of course, it’s too late.”
My tears started to fall…on the grass, on my t-shirt. I knew my nose was red.
“When you told me that leaving home meant giving up on us, I didn’t believe you. I was too full of myself. I was arrogant, conceited and reckless. All that blinded me of the real treasure… of us being together.”
I took out the letter she wrote me three months ago. It was now tear-stained and nearly torn. I read it so many times.
“The best times of my life were with you. You nurtured me and saw me through all the rough times. You were always there for me but in the end, I wasn’t there for you. I knew you died of that fact and I am so sorry.”
I knelt down and wept. I wanted to crawl into her grave and just be beside her.
“Nothing I do can change the truth. I can only try to make it better. I hope, in time, you will forgive me…”
I took out the gun I bought earlier and shot myself.
Nothing was forgotten. Nothing was forgiven.