I have been plagued by this fear of failing. Although failure at something is a possibility, the idea of failure to meet the expectations of people is a different kind of circumstance that I would rather not endure.
I know that God gives us trials to test us and it seems to me that even before I begin to do what I’m about to do, I have already this heavy feeling of failure. The problem is that I let it hang over my head and over my heart. I don’t know how to remove it.
I tried not to think of it. Nothing has happened so far. The more I brush it away, the more guilty I feel when I haven’t even done anything wrong. I just feel guilty of being happy.
So now I’m feeling miserable and it should calm the fears inside me but I think it made it worse.
I pray and I pray and still the peace and calmness evades me.
I want to be thankful and happy but pretending to be any of those is too much.
I guess, I just want to write and somehow lose myself in words that no one reads and simply be.