I am Different

In my life, I have been in various situations wherein people judge me (a lot) because I’m different. When I say different, it’s because my views on life do not resonate as their own. I led my life with my own bad choices, great plans and God’s guidance to be where I am now. Most people think that I’m not such a nice person because of the way I live my life.

The word often associated to me would be intimidating. I speak my mind and frankly, I’m not scared to do it. To most people, they feel that I am disrespectful or even rude. I don’t cower but I do have my own emotional side that comes out at the most unexpected moments. Still, this should only remind people that I’m actually human.

I hardly get mad and when I do, I hate it. So I learned to be stoic at times. As if I don’t care and I’m made of stone.

Sigh. Everybody is different, right? So why do people want you to be just like them? Their lives are not perfect.

Everyday, we can only give our best. The one person I try to please more than anyone is God. His opinion of me is the one that really matters.

Fear

I have been plagued by this fear of failing. Although failure at something is a possibility, the idea of failure to meet the expectations of people is a different kind of circumstance that I would rather not endure.

I know that God gives us trials to test us and it seems to me that even before I begin to do what I’m about to do, I have already this heavy feeling of failure. The problem is that I let it hang over my head and over my heart. I don’t know how to remove it.

I tried not to think of it. Nothing has happened so far. The more I brush it away, the more guilty I feel when I haven’t even done anything wrong. I just feel guilty of being happy.

So now I’m feeling miserable and it should calm the fears inside me but I think it made it worse.

I pray and I pray and still the peace and calmness evades me.

I want to be thankful and happy but pretending to be any of those is too much.

I guess, I just want to write and somehow lose myself in words that no one reads and simply be.

Pomp and Pageantry of Rites

I consider myself as a person with simple tastes. I cry at sappy moments and I easily smile at even the corniest jokes. Which makes me wonder why some people makes such a fuss over the littlest things? Take for example, the pomp and pageantry that goes with different rites to celebrate occasions.

I do get it that we want to make say, graduation, to be something memorable. It’s main purpose is to honor the graduates. So if someone didn’t come in complete attire for the ceremony, does it really diminish the memory of graduating? I don’t think so. After four years in high school, I think even if everyone came in rags, the graduates would still be ecstatic over the fact that they graduated. That detail of not being in the “proper attire” is inconsequential.

Although I’m not opposed to having a grand celebration over a birthday or a wedding, sometimes I feel that some people get blinded with all the decors, dresses and forget that just to be in that moment of completion or to remember the real reason why the celebration is even happening in the first place.

I’m just irked that other people are too busy pointing out the mistakes and failures of another person and consequently, sucks the joy of the celebration.

However, beyond all that, graduating from grade school, high school, etc. is still an amazing feat. It showed how making right choices in life led you to this moment. To the graduates of 2013, congratulations! May God continue to guide and guard you in all your future endeavors!

O When the Saints Go Marching In!

It has been quite a while since I went out with friends but surprisingly, this March, I finally did.

Coffee with one of my girls Gracielle and her daughter was nice. We went to Starbucks and had pizza at Greenwich.

With Gra

Future besties!

Then unexpectedly, Yara arrived from Manila so we spent the afternoon at Candy’s on one fine day. After ten years or so, we are finally reunited!

And just last night, I went out with my department for a year-end celebration at Wat Ever Family KTV. It was such a great time because we all got 100 score on the videoke machine. 🙂

with my super boss, Albert

The lovely ladies of Sosyal Studies

The whole bunch

Over all, I can’t wait for summer to begin. Today is another outing with my other co-teachers! But before I end, here’s what Heaven has been doing for the past days…