there are times when I feel that i am no longer capable of feeling rage. Anger, annoyance and irritation becomes irksome compared to rage.
The other day, i felt it after a long time.
It was liberating at first but then I slowly calmed down to cool my head. It took a lot of self-control but I did it.
However, I was glad that I experienced that again. The last time I felt that was when I learned my ex-boyfriend cheated on me while we were still together and it was a rage that I thought had no end. Eventually, it did. After forgiving him and moving on with my life, I forgot about it.
Feeling that much anger, pain and betrayal was an eye-opener. It seemed like everything from under the surface of who I was was pushed out and blown up like a volcano of emotions.
When rage struck again, I was glad to have remembered self-control. To discipline myself from inflicting pain to others was a small feat.
Today, I realized that bouts of rage pushed my limitations beyond and brought me to new limits that I never though I could have achieved. i guess, this would be the essence why we experience suffering in life. The human spirit thrives and learns to overcome any obstacle when push comes to shove.
Most of all, i believe that God helped me that day when rage returned. I felt a hand touch my heart and someone called out my name to stay calm and not allow rage to take over.
Sometimes, rage can be a blessing in disguise.