How To Stop Missing Someone Who Died

The answer is that you can’t.

My sister Anna is now in heaven with the Lord. She passed away on July 10, 2012 at 7:10 am. 710, 710. What a coincidence.

Heaven and I flew to Manila to be with her and at Sanctuarium, we spent the next three nights with her. She was cremated on July 14, 2012.

When we arrived, I could not even bring myself to look at Echik lying in her white coffin. I simply cried beside my mom who tried her best not to break down. She was doing what she can to hold on to a semblance of will just to appear strong and ready to face the uncertain future.

Later on, I finally came to terms with Echik’s passing.

I think we are all grateful to the fact that Liam (my sister’s son) and Heaven were around. The two toddlers were such a handful that it made this situation bearable. I was particularly glad that Heaven played happily with Liam. And surprisingly, neither the two kids asked where Chikki was. Maybe they knew or understood what happened. Or maybe they could both see Echik while we can’t and were just not sure why we were all crying.

Anyhow, I am glad that it’s all over. After the cremation, we took bone fragments of my sister to keep. Finally, Echik got to ride the airplane when we came home here in CDO.

In the end, as a family, we were all together. I thought that was what Chikki wanted all along. With G-Pa, G-Ma, Josh, Echong and me and Liam and Heaven, we were all there for her.

We miss her so bad. I miss her. I will continue to miss her for as long as I live.
Thank you, Echik. For loving me and Heaven and for letting me witness your amazing life.

To everyone who shown their love and kindness to Anna Carmela T. Kho and to our family, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. May God bless you all!

Gone too soon

I was running late. For the first time, I left my watch at home. I have no idea what the time was. I thought to myself, “It’s okay. I’m mad at time, anyway.”

I was rushing everything and went to the covered court where the rest of the student body was. It was time for our flag ceremony.

I walked with my head down. I did not want to meet anyone’s eyes and have to answer why I’m not made up or why my eyes were swollen. Still, I had to answer politely for every “Good morning, teacher.” a student says.

The ceremony just about started. My phone started to beep incessantly. I answered it immediately after I saw that it was my other sister Monina who calling.

I said hello and then I broke down and cried.

My sister Anna died at 7:10 am on July 10, 2012.

It was literally like someone punched me in the stomach. I have always thought that writing those words now was a cliche but now I realize that the truth literally hurt.

I ran away from everyone and went to the faculty room to simply bawl my eyes out.

After explaining to the assistant principal what has happened, I took a leave of absence, bought a ticket for Manila and packed.

Now, I’m done with the packing. I was rummaging for pictures of my sister and me and realized that I don’t have much.

Why did I have to take so many stupid pictures of places I have been when I should have taken more pictures of my sister?!? 

Note to self. You can’t take too many pictures of your family.

This is an awful post because it’s an awful time. I hate the fact that she’s gone. I hate it. I know that she’s at peace now. No more pain. No more suffering. She has been an angel here on earth. She never complained to me about what she’s going through. Not once. She was just happy.

I can’t even be happy for her.

I’m such a terrible sister.

Between the two of us, she acts more mature and was simply wonderful. She was a calm soothing presence in any room. She loves unconditionally and waits patiently for everyone.

I remember teasing her about this one guy who kept looking at her during church service. She blushed furiously and denied that the guy wanted to know her name or make chit-chat. She was such an innocent, still.

I miss her. A lot.

I love you, Echick. Always and forever.

Time is my Enemy

Sands of Time
Time used to be my friend
He made me laugh with a ridiculous childhood
He made me wiser with each year of school I experienced
He became my coach when I started working
He became my partner in every adventure I embarked on
Suddenly, he changed
Now he steals from me
He slowly takes away my youth
He snatches my memories
And worst of all, he angers me
Fills me with rage and terror
As he tightens his fingers around the neck of life
of my sister
Time used to be my friend
Now no longer
Time is my enemy and I fight with all I have
To win this battle against him.

* My sister Anna is now in highly critical condition. I am doing all that I can to be with her by tomorrow afternoon. Please pray for her.

Help Me Breathe Hope for Anna, Please

Our mom, Anna’s son Liam and my sister Anna

I find myself at a loss. Ever since I found out that my sister Chikki (Anna Carmela T. Kho) was rushed to the ICU of VRPMC, in Edsa, Mandaluyong near Boni MRT, this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach won’t go away.

I hate this. I hate it that she’s suffering now. She is now so thin and she needs a lot of blood transfusion to get better. Not only blood transfusion but even platelet transfusion. I wish I can go there. I will give her my blood. Our mom is holding me back. She said that they will do what they can to manage without the need for me to go there so here I am, feeling useless.

The most I can do is share my sister’s plight and seek help from everyone I know. I don’t care if they ignore me or report my comments as spam. We need blood donors. We need a lot of help. We need tons of prayers to help Chikki win this fight.

I am so scared of losing her. Our mom is dying inside. She is trying to appear strong but she broke down earlier to me while we were talking over the phone. She whispered in tears how she just wished that God heal her baby right away. All I can do is cry with her.

Dearest Lord, I know there’s a reason behind all of this. Right now, we all can’t see Your plan. It’s just faith, making us get on with our daily lives, praying and hoping for the best for my sister. Please touch her now and  heal her. Please. Please.

If your blood type is A+ and you’re willing to donate some of it for my sister, please go to the 3rd floor of the VRPMC blood bank. Please say that it’s for patient Anna Carmela T. Kho. Thank you and may God bless you for your generosity.

Please share Anna’s war against cancer to all your networks. Thank you!