On Discipline

dearest beb,

i’m here beside you at 3am in the morning. i just finished my work. i have some more things to do but you keep on crying in your sleep so i decided to simply stay near you.

did you know that we recently had a fight? it was over everything and nothing. guess who ran crying to her parents? me. yes, you made me cry. it was horrible. you were mean to me.

nevertheless, i am supposed to experience that. babies somehow become naughty and will test you. you can’t be the sweetest baby forever.

i’m writing to tell you that i’m sorry when i raise my voice to discipline you. i even sometimes give you a tiny spank which makes me uber guilty. this is the one skill i have to really learn. how to discipline you with love, patience and with a firm yet gentle hand. i feel such a terrible mom for not knowing. should i spoil you and spare the rod?

for now, i seek guidance from my own parents. i do remember that my dad only spanked me once when i was 9 or 10 years old. i remember my mom also spanked me when i was 4 or 5. that was as far as my memory would serve me. so i guess, i will do my best not to spank you. so i’m honing my communication skills right now as to how to let you understand when NO means NO.

sleep well, beb. i love you so much. i will try to be a good mommy.

trying hard mama,
Cheska

Listless

I’m still at work. Writing about how to get nice skin with fruits. You can check out the articles I wrote here, under the author name Cheskarr.

In my R is for Rogue blog, I wanted to write something on breast cancer since it’s October. Unfortunately, it’s already October 29. Soon October will end. Oh well.

I’m feeling so…uhm…I don’t know.

I was hungry earlier and I ate a whole bag of Oishi Prawn Crackers. Food trip. I miss junk foods.

Anyhow, I now go back to writing healthy and eating healthy like cherries, plums and raisins. We even have tons of lanzones and I just ate durian yesterday.

I now realize that our house has become a fruit salad bowl.

Need to just work then sleep. Sigh.

The Terrible Tens

 No one really told me that come around ten months, your little angel becomes a hellion. Yes, my once happy, timid and jolly baby has now become a crying, grouchy and will no longer listen to me baby monster. Could it be because Halloween is just around the corner?

I don’t know. I am simply astonished on her tantrums and naughtiness. Yesterday, my patience broke and after withstanding another bickering with her (yes, my 10-month old baby shouts back at me), I threw down the towel and admitted defeat. I cried. I honestly didn’t want her around me. It was a horrible horrible moment.

They said that postpartum can happen anytime from birth to two years and maybe, yesterday was mine. I felt so down and depressed. Was I a bad mother? I have such a hard time disciplining her because honestly, Heaven knows what “No” means and yet, she always goes out of her way to taunt me each time I tell her “No”. Remember that scene in finding Nemo when Marlin asked nemo not to put his fin on the boat and Nemo gave Marlin a look and did it anyway? Well, that’s what Heaven does to me. Every time.

So now, here I am. Ranting. And simply wondering what could I be doing wrong? Should I play with her some more? Should I simply give in to her demands? Being a parent is just tricky.

For now, I can only pray that when she’s 11 month old, she would have passed this terrible stage.

Good night, world!